S.Cushnie

S.Cushnie Presents | Not Doing Enough!

S.Cushnie Presents Not Doing Enough!

If you don’t  know then I usually make videos with my blog posts. The link is above, so check it out for more context if for some reason you can’t understand!

S.Cushnie Presents Not Doing Enough!

Today is October 18th, 2017, yesterday was the NYC Influencers Preview hosted by CreativesMX.  If you haven’t seen my YouTube video blog about the party click the link above.  Hopefully, you did so that you’re able to understand what I’m about to say here.

Not Doing Enough!

I spoke to this African American man with dreads at the event.  That man really had myself thinking about how I work?  As a young African American man born and raised in Newburgh New York I haven’t seen too many African American superstars in the community.  If you understand where I’m coming here!  The way this guy was talking to me, I felt really small next to him.  He was also from the suburbs but I see that this man was on something else.  I wish I remembered this man’s name.

S.Cushnie Presents

Anyway, I won’t get into the details of our conversation!  Watch my video blog for more context of my conversation, but I can say I needed that.  I needed that talk, I needed for my eyes to be opened to a truth.  The truth is I have been using my disabilities as an excuse for my lack of professionalism.  If I really want to be great I have to work!  I have to be on point with myself, I never want to feel small like the way I felt that night.  I want to thank that man for being on point like that.

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S.Cushnie Presents

S.Cushnie Presents | Special Ed. Loser Kid

S.Cushnie Presents Special Ed. Loser Kid

 

I have been thinking about this title for a while now and I don’t know if anyone can understand where I’m coming from with this one. But I finally realized that I’m a real negative person, I can never pat myself on the back when I do something right but I can tell myself off when I do something wrong. It’s because of how I was raised, being a special ed student my whole schooling life. Never once did I hear in my household that I could get out of it or that I was smart for something. I told myself that I was good enough but I grew older the self-talk turned into doubt and misery.

Special Ed.

Self-doubt; secretly hate myself are trying to be positive. Being programmed to hate me for everything. Being dyslexic, being black, how my body looks. I’m just so afraid of myself. I never have anything nice to say to myself, funny, because I rather push people around that actually want to say nice things to my face. I love misery, I love the negatively at this point, it’s my mask, it’s my life, it’s my everything. Literally I am the enemy, the ultimate best villain to my fake super hero story.

Loser Kid

If I was a hero then I would love see myself win the war that I fight with myself every other day, the battle never stops. It’s never good, just gets worse! I don’t know if this darkness will ever leave me alone, I guess it always has a place in my soul…

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