S.Cushnie Presents Special Ed. Loser Kid
I have been thinking about this title for a while now and I don’t know if anyone can understand where I’m coming from with this one. But I finally realized that I’m a real negative person, I can never pat myself on the back when I do something right but I can tell myself off when I do something wrong. It’s because of how I was raised, being a special ed student my whole schooling life. Never once did I hear in my household that I could get out of it or that I was smart for something. I told myself that I was good enough but I grew older the self-talk turned into doubt and misery.
Self-doubt; secretly hate myself are trying to be positive. Being programmed to hate me for everything. Being dyslexic, being black, how my body looks. I’m just so afraid of myself. I never have anything nice to say to myself, funny, because I rather push people around that actually want to say nice things to my face. I love misery, I love the negatively at this point, it’s my mask, it’s my life, it’s my everything. Literally I am the enemy, the ultimate best villain to my fake super hero story.
If I was a hero then I would love see myself win the war that I fight with myself every other day, the battle never stops. It’s never good, just gets worse! I don’t know if this darkness will ever leave me alone, I guess it always has a place in my soul…